I think I’ve officially plateaued. I’m doing what has worked for the past two months and it just isn’t working anymore. I don’t really know what else to say about it. Because of early progress I’m still on target for making my eventual goal, but I’m already bracing for the day when that little blue line crosses the little red line.

I’m not happy about it.

I can admit to myself some of the things that probably contributed this week. On Wednesday I had Peanut all morning and I went for a Starbucks coffee (an unusual 2nd for the day) and slice of banana walnut bread, then lunch at Tacos 4 Life before picking up Bubs. Yesterday I was struggling to keep moving so I dipped into Hubs’ wheat thins. I also wasn’t able to get to the gym but twice (remember the infamous walking lunges?).

So I guess I need to lean in harder. My paying workload is light right now so I’ll make a goal of getting exercise 5 out of 7 days of the week. I’ll also drop the carb snacks. I really want to start seeing results again, and I wasn’t expecting to have such a struggle so early. Look at that chart. I still have years of fighting and I’m already hitting a wall?

Bodyweight Exercises are no Joke!

Peanut had a day off from school, but Bubs still had preschool. This doesn’t happen often, so I knew we would need to take advantage of the quality time together that morning. Since I’m actively trying to be sure I make it to the gym three times a week, this presented quite the challenge. I decided to do an at-home workout using my FitBod app and suggested body weight exercises before everyone woke up.

I thought it would be an easier operation than the weight training I’ve been doing at the gym. Holy moly was I wrong. The workout consisted of basically three exercises: walking lunges, tricep dips and “supermans.” Walking lunges may not seem like a big deal, but after finishing my sets that morning I was sweating. Like sweating. Today my butt is throbbing.

I guess my main takeaway is not to sleep on bodyweight exercises. It is also good to know I can squeeze those in on the days that the gym doesn’t work out.

Head Games

I’ve gotten into my own head that I’m to the point in this journey that it is going to get hard to push through a plateau in weight loss. I’ve already had the setbacks of hormonal instability, and I seem to be stuck at the 15-pound hurdle. I was excited about 15 pounds, but when I look at myself in photos — which I’ve been actively trying to do more often these days — I still am really just disappointed in how much different I look in reality compared to in my head.

Here’s a photo from yesterday. It is a beautiful photo. The kids are beautiful. The scenery is beautiful. I’m wearing a super cute outfit and have my face paint, err makeup, on. But I can’t help but look at the giant tire in the folds of the denim shirt. I want that gone.

I guess what I’m really saying is I want visible results, not just ones I can measure in private using my sewing tape.

Baking Experiment Success

The high yesterday was 70. It is FINALLY fall. I obviously went through the Starbucks drive-thru for a PSL because I’m basic. Then I researched low-carb pumpkin muffins. I landed on this recipe, which promised to be “delicious” and “healthy.” The only issue was that on the last instruction it says “texture improves when they reach room temperature.”

Um no.

If I’m going to eat a delicious scratchmade muffin, I’m going to burn the roof of my mouth eating it straight out of the oven. Thanks.

So I made tweaks. I have no clue what the original recipe would have tasted like, but this is the first baked good I enjoyed without saying this would have definitely been better with all purpose flour. First I tackled the texture issue by adding a dollop of cream cheese to the center for creaminess and toasted walnuts on top for crunch. Then I added some salt, because WHY do these health people insist on not adding any salt to their recipes? Don’t they know fat and salt are how we taste flavor? Come ON!

The original recipe called for stevia liquid. I’d never used this, but when I was at the store shopping for it I read the ingredient list. The first ingredient wasn’t stevia extract, it was something called erythritol. What is that? I googled it as I stood in the aisle. One of the first blurbs that appears is “side effects typically include digestive problems and diarrhea.” No thanks. I found this bottle of something called “apple sugar.” It is just super concentrated apple juice and it touts being a third of the glycemic load of table sugar. I got that instead.

Anyway, I’ve had one of these muffins so far (and yes, I scorched the top of my mouth) and they are very tasty. The best part? NET 6 CARBS.

Edit: Once these muffins are cold they get weird with the lack of sugar. Either reheat in the oven (I use foil cupcake liners so microwave is a no-no) or I edited the recipe to 2 Tbsp apple sugar rather than 2 tsp. That bumped up the net carbs to 8g per muffin — still totally doable!

Of Course It Is

Weigh in day. After the past couple I was really nervous about stepping on the scale this morning. But it was good! 

How can that be? The universe thwarted three different workouts this week (lack of child care, dress coding and then the gutter cleaning service that required I be home Friday). And while I’d like to think I got back on track with meals, I also gave myself a lot of leeway this week. There’s only one thing it can be. One thing that can control so much of how my body responds to stress, responds to food and has, to date, made this aspect of my life pretty frustrating:


Because of course it is hormones. It was a revelation when it hit me. That crescendo of nasty is 100% related to my monthly hormone cycle and literally as soon as my period starts I get relief. How stupid is that? Earlier this week I was motivated to do nothing and by the end of the week I have zero cravings and motivation (read: energy) to take on new projects.

For someone who likes to be in control, it is incredibly humbling to see just what an effect hormones can have on me. I just have to go along for the ride.

Sweet Relief

Today I took a step back and allowed myself. I was going to complete that sentence, but truly I just allowed myself to allow myself. After I dropped Bubs at preschool I went to Target. Yesterday during my phone call with a good friend, I told her how I rarely wear actual denim jeans because they just don’t look good on me. But if I now have to tell my child that she can’t wear jeggings all the time, I guess it is a good time for me to grasp the concept of not wearing jeggings and compression pants all the time.

So I went to Target. Usually I would go to Old Navy for denim, but Old Navy denim is the reason I don’t wear jeans much these days. Perhaps instead I’d try some Levis or one of the Target brands. So I grabbed some Levis in sizes ranging from 13/14 (what?) to 18/19. On the way to the dressing room I spot a denim shirt dress on the clearance rack, so I grab that, too. The pants were a disaster. Although I guess technically made of denim, they were incredibly stretchy. For a woman with big calves, they were essentially jeggings. I go for the dress. I think it looks good. So the denim goes back to the rack and I go home with the dress.

Not exactly what I intended, but a denim dress is certainly less frumpy than denim jeans, right?

This same awesome friend also suggested a few teen romance movies from Netflix to get a good cathartic cry. I landed on “The Kissing Booth,” and it did not disappoint. I’m pretty sure Molly Ringwald was trying to relive some “Sixteen Candles” glory with that one because there were certainly some allusions to the old movie. That doesn’t really matter because the core function of the movie was to ugly cry alone and reset my emotional system.

After a good night’s sleep I took it a step further: I went with my gut and told that potential client that I wasn’t going to be able to meet their needs according to their requirements. (Can I mention that I am incredibly blessed to be at a point in my life where I even think I have the ability to reject paying work?)

Done and done!