Yesterday I did a lot.

I dragged the kids out of bed for the gym before a day at Carowinds. I was especially happy because I found pulled pork BBQ and broccoli slaw at our favorite Carowinds eatery, so I felt well fueled for the rest of the visit. When we got home I made dinner, then went into the back yard to pull out more ivy. I didn’t get tired.

After putting a hurting on the ivy taking over my side yard

I’m trying to figure out if it was because I’m in a better head space or if it is because I’ve just found a good groove. Then I also question whether the groove is a good place to be? I want to see results, quantitative results, from all this work. I’m not going to the gym for the muted “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” I’m not cutting wheat because I want to tell waiters about dietary considerations. (By the way, I don’t do that.)

I want this weight GONE. I’m ready for the turning point where instead of the grind of an uphill battle I get to the apex and it starts to just come off. Is that ever going to happen with PCOS? Will it forever be a grind? Even if (when) I reach my goal, will I always have to keep a healthy distance from carbs so I don’t throw myself down the same hole?

I am to a point in my life where my torso tire doesn’t define me, and I’m so ready for it to come off that I’m not hiding the fact that it’s there any more. Yes, my shorts create a muffin top. My bathing suits pull on my chest because fabric is having to bypass the deflated balloon on my lower abdomen. My upper thighs rub together so much that when I wear dresses I have to put lotion on them to prevent chafing. These things are all nuisances to me, and I’m ready to be rid of them.