I woke up this morning feeling really good. Early, because Bubs once again decided he needed to sleep in our bed, but good nonetheless. I keep thinking about how I’m getting discouraged by a lack of quantitative results and how hard it is to stay away from the sweets and breads. Every morning I read the “verse of the day” in my Bible app and use it to help set my mind for the day ahead. This was today’s:

Ask. Believe. Receive.

So I took my troubles upward. This isn’t supposed to be easy, I know. It took years of bad habits to get me to this place so I shouldn’t expect quick results, I know. But if I measure in this weekend and I’m at the exact same place as last week (and the week before that) I’m not going to lie: I’m going to be discouraged.

This is why I’ve never been able to stick to these lifestyle changes for more than a few weeks or months. I can abstain from breads and sweets and see no change in my body, or I can continue to eat these things and I don’t really¬†gain any weight. That’s the temptation: My body won’t lose it, but it also doesn’t add. So on a bad day when I want to dive into a bucket of Tootsie Rolls, that little devil in my head says, “Go ahead! They are tiny and it’s not like you’ll gain weight eating them. Plus they’ll make you feel better.” Once you’ve gotten into the Tootsie Rolls, it is easy to then believe, “Well today is a wash. We can try again tomorrow to get on track. Let’s go get some Cheese Nips and watch a show.”

So maybe I need to change my prayer. Here’s what I ask instead:

I want to be healthy. I want this weight off my body and I want to make choices that will help me to get there and stay there. I know it won’t be easy so I ask that when it gets hard, when I want to give up, that I hear You more clearly in those moments. That I know I have the best cheerleader encouraging me to deny desires and make choices that will get me to a place where I can say, ‘I no longer have a disease. It is gone.’

The key this time is that I truly believe I will do it. Eventually, with time and a lot of work, I really believe it. It’s just a matter of how long I must work until I receive.