Yesterday was one of those days that you hope to forget. Honestly.

Remember how the kids have VBS this week, and this year it is different because instead of being scheduled from 9-noon each weekday, they are holding it from 6-8:30 each evening? So that means Bubs isn’t getting to bed and asleep until well past his bedtime. He’s still waking up around the same time though, so he’s quickly building a sleep deficit.

On Monday he was OK. He was handling it. By Tuesday cracks were forming. He was super whiny and combative. Even with a nap he was just a grump. It is hard to manage him when he gets in those moods. By Wednesday he was no longer himself.

I took him to the gym with me Wednesday morning. When I picked him up he was furious with me. I ruined his day because he didn’t get to finish playing Minion Rush on the iPads in the kid area. He starts head-butting me in the butt as we walk from the gym. When we get to the foyer area I try to calm him down before heading into the parking lot. He kicks the glass doors repeatedly and keeps saying I am a bad mom and I ruined his day. I tell him we are going to the car and I need him to walk with me and hold my hand. Refusal.

So I football carry him out. I’ve had to perfect this carry because if you leave his arms free he’ll try to punch you. He’s yelling the entire time: “If you don’t put me down I’m going to punch you in the face. If you don’t put me down I’m going to kick you in the butt!” About 10 yards from the car I tell him I’ll put him down if he is calm. Is he ready to be calm? Yes. So we walk to the car and get in.

Once inside I tell them that I don’t think we should go to VBS that night because we need to go to bed early. He flies into a frenzy and starts punching my shoulder. I’m in the driver seat and he’s in the back just swinging. Then he aims higher and gets me square in the face with his version of a right hook. I see red. I turn and shove him into the back seat. What is wrong with you? You don’t punch people in the face. Do you not understand that I love you and am controlling my reaction? If you punch someone in the face they might really hurt you. Buckle up, we’re going home.

When we get home I have him cool off in his room. He is tasked with cleaning it before lunch and an early nap. I am not OK. This is now the second time he’s connected with my face during a tantrum, and the second time that I’ve seen red because of it. Hubs is working and takes some time to call home to talk to him. Otherwise I’m on my own here. I put him down for a nap (he gets up twice) and he sleeps for more than 3 hours total.

Oh but the day isn’t over yet.

While he sleeps I settle in to the chair to watch TV with Peanut. She sits on the couch with the dog. At one point she leans over to hug the dog and pet the top of her head. The dog barks and nips, getting her in the lip. Broke the skin. Peanut runs to the kitchen screaming. Are you hurt or did it just scare you?? She’s hurt. I look and it isn’t bad. Clean her up and get her an ice pack.

But now I can’t trust our dog around the kids. It wasn’t an isolated incident, and I’ve justified previous incidents despite my gut. I tell Hubs. He agrees, she needs to be rehomed. At the news of this Peanut flies into a secondary frenzy. Give her another chance! Don’t get rid of her dog! At one point there is even a note left on my desk saying to give her another chance or she’ll run away.

Once Hubs gets home he tells me how the rehoming needs to be quick and not drawn out, for the kids’ sake. I don’t even know how to do this, let alone make it happen quickly. I’m imagining bad people trying to get her and will her new owners give her the food she likes and what about the brand new poop scooper Bubs got for his birthday. Hubs is trying to be supportive, but it is coming off more like, “Buck up, kiddo,” with no physical contact.

I’ve never felt more alone.

So after the kids are in bed (and Bubs gets out of bed repeatedly from 8-10 p.m. and eventually ends up in bed with me), I try to talk to Hubs about where my head is. Keep in mind the day I’ve had, so it is a dumb idea to try to have a team huddle at the time. But I’m frazzled and I unload how not only did I have to manage all of this alone today with zero emotional energy left, but it felt like he was piling on (“when I wash his hair he never screams. Not once.”) and making me feel guilty (“We should have never gotten a dog in the first place. You can’t tolerate normal dog stuff. You lost your mind all the time.”) None of my communication lands properly and now he’s feeling attacked. I go to bed with the notion that he thinks I’m just resentful of our kids, our pets and my life. You know what? Sometimes I am. Sometimes. 

Son. Dog. Daughter. Now husband.

Not sure how today is going to play out.