Remember last week how I fell so far off the wagon? How the message I was receiving was that I was literally insane and in need of medication, therapy and external intervention? Instead I gave myself a break. I chose to show myself a little grace.

I am not a machine. I’ve talked about setting good habits and sticking to my lifestyle changes. But I can’t forget that this is a long game and there are going to be times when I’m just not going to be there mentally, emotionally or physically. I’m officially in the last weekend before school starts back for both kids. It is like a finish line for a really hard season. It was a season I entered with high hopes. We were going to have fun. We were going to do awesome stuff. We were going shirk normal responsibility and love on each other through every adventure. And we did those things for a while. But then, through no one’s fault, we started to chafe at the closeness. We grated at the intimacy. And by August we were all done.

I’ve learned a lot from this summer. It is possible to love your kids deeply and also not want to be around them for a few hours. It is possible to have the best intentions and then berate yourself as you watch the train come off the tracks because you either didn’t anticipate it or you didn’t react well. Hubs and I have incredibly high expectations for behavior and standards, and we won’t always reach that bar.

That’s where grace comes in.

I can beat myself up over being so fed up with this season in life that I imploded, or I can acknowledge that I have a social network of friends and family who understand because they are either in the same season or remember how they weathered that season. Those who don’t understand it either haven’t been through it or have forgotten it. And that’s OK. Those who are in the middle of it can come together with a little humor and try to laugh about the storm, knowing it isn’t permanent and the only reason we continue to swim is because we have hope that we’ll eventually get through it.

This Labor Day weekend I am leaning into the things that may bring joy before the chaos of regimented life. And once that regimented life starts back I will put my lifestyle habits into the regimen. And it will be OK.