I got a glimpse of the frustrating version of my life that I survived this summer. The version where I felt trapped and unable to do what I wanted and needed because of parental responsibilities. I’m not in a bad headspace, though, because it all fell apart on Friday and the entire week leading up to it had been so incredibly good that it was almost like my battery had been fully charged and prepared to handle what was thrown at me.

And that, my friends, is why I’m firmly devoted to self care.

Bubs came down with a fever and couldn’t go to school on Friday. Fridays are the days I typically get groceries and get everything in order for weekend activities. This weekend Hubs is going to Atlanta for a wedding — a wedding that I really wanted to attend with him but our kids aren’t to a place where they can stay overnight with anyone and we don’t really have anyone who can stay with them. So Hubs is going alone and I’m going to stay home with the kids, one of whom is now feverish.

By Friday all the perishable goods — the foods that I’m supposed to eat most of all, like fruits and veggies — have either been eaten through the course of the week or have started to go bad. I’m not going to lie, I was coping with being stuck at the house by eating. I had Cheese Nips. I had a big bowl of almonds and dark chocolate. And for dinner I had frozen chicken nuggets and fries.

So it’s absolutely no surprise to me this morning that on weigh-in day I’ve suddenly jumped up 5 pounds from last week. My measurements are the same, if not slightly smaller, so that weight is almost certainly a brick of the junk I ate yesterday during my confinement.

I woke up this morning at 5:30. On a normal day that means I have at least an hour before anyone else wakes up. I use that hour to drink my coffee in peace and catch up on emails. On weekends that morning of peace extends almost 2 hours as the rest of the house sleeps in. Not today. Today Bubs was on the couch waiting for me when I came downstairs. It was sweet — he wanted to be with me so when he heard me brush my teeth he hopped out of bed and scurried downstairs.

As nice as that sounds to have a kid that just wants to be with you, it really puts into perspective how much having those breathers come in handy in managing motherhood. So I’m not in a bad place. I snuggled for nearly an hour while he watched some Netflix show about nursery rhymes. But am I ready for Hubs to get out of bed so I can get groceries solo?