So I was trying not to get down about the jump of 5 pounds at the latest weigh-in.  I didn’t do a very good job. The entire weekend I was grumpy — partially from being homebound alone with a sick kid but nevertheless grumpy. I’ve definitely gotten out of the good habits I tried to establish over the summer.

The daily grind has a way of pulling you away from your priorities and making you take care of fires. There is always something, too. It is going to take some real intentionality to get back on track.

Today I’m going to attempt Zumba. You know, that dance aerobics class that was a big hit 10 years ago? That one. I know weight training gives me the biggest results, but I’m not going to lie: I neglect hard cardio. I basically warm up before doing weights. Running doesn’t happen, and even quick walking doesn’t happen on the treadmill because it causes my feet to ache for days. So let’s see what happens when I try to dance this flubber off.

~ 2 hours later ~

Wow,  Zumba.

First off, the room was full of beautiful brown ladies who know how to gyrate. They were exercising and it was so beautiful, then I would spy myself in one of the wall mirrors. I didn’t fit in. At all. I thought the class was 30 minutes, so when that 30 minutes came and went I excused myself to the locker room. Once I was in the car I started crying. I have no real idea why. It wasn’t a boo-hoo cry, it was just a silent couple of tears that streaked down my cheek.

Why did Zumba hit my self esteem so hard? Or was it Zumba? What is weighing on me that it leaked out of my face this morning?

I went home and showered. It had been a while (I wasn’t motivated to shower during Bubs’ illness) and it helped a bit. But I am still in this unsourced funk. I feel like I’m missing something, or I’ve lost something. Maybe I’m mourning the loss of that great “high” from last week? I think maybe I need a “win” to point me back in the right direction.

With 2 hours until I pick up Bubs and start the Mom Chauffeur service again, I’m going to take some time to read and pray.