Officially seeing no results any longer. I have a few tokens I can hold onto from my journey thus far: I have been able to stay right at a net loss of 10 pounds. And I do notice that wheat products create very uncomfortable inflammation, specifically in my neck. OK and maybe I can casually eat vegetables now.
That’s all fine and good, but this plateau.
I did a lot of reflection this week. I turned 38 on Wednesday, and I thought a lot about the direction I’m headed and whether I wanted to change course. There are a few things I’ve come up with:
My Value Doesn’t Come from Numbers
My value isn’t calculated by how much money I’m able to bring in through contract work. It isn’t calculated by my kids’ performance. And it isn’t calculated by the pounds I carry. I’m not giving up on my ultimate goal, but dadgumit I need to be OK with myself in the present or I’ll never be OK with myself when/if I reach this number I’ve elevated in my head as a goal.
Most of My Missteps Are Symptoms of a Bigger Problem
Depression and anxiety are real. Coping with food is real. The real heavy lifting in this journey is mental.
I Can Find My Happy Place Anywhere
My Happy Place isn’t in 2 years. My Happy Place isn’t 50 pounds away. My Happy Place isn’t at the gym. My Happy Place isn’t winning the lottery or landing a Big Fish client that pays way more than necessary for my skills. My Happy Place is wherever I make it. I’ve always been a resourceful person, finding ways to meet goals without the financial or material support most people employ to meet those goals. Why should my life be any different? I don’t need extra discretionary funds to find fulfillment, and I don’t need to be thinner to be a good person.