I haven’t posted in a while. It isn’t because I fell into the Dark Place. It isn’t because I’ve been so busy.
I’ve been… happy.
I stopped using my food diary. I stopped weighing myself on a regular basis. I stopped forcing myself to go on early morning walks when I didn’t want to. And guess what? I plateaued. Of course I plateaued. But I’ve learned something: had I kept that food diary and weighed myself and forced myself to go on rigorous walks I was already going to plateau. Because I seem to have a body size that my body just wants to be.
This is where I am. But I’ve discovered something I haven’t had in a long time: the confidence to be not only OK with where I am, but to embrace it.
Do I want to lose weight? Yes. Do I want to get rid of the deflated balloon on my lower torso? Of course. But I am otherwise healthy and thriving.
I not only allow myself carbs, but I enjoy them sensually. Eww not that kind of sensually, I mean I savor them. Get your head out of the gutter.
I’ve started attending a cardio funk class at our gym, and although I am literally the worst at it, I keep going back. Because I like that it is hard. I like that I am not good at it. I leave after that hour of dancing and I am on such an endorphin high.
If I get to age 40 and I’m still a solid 215 pounds, I think I may be in a completely different headspace. That makes all the difference.